The latest installment in the How to Succeed in Evil saga is now live on Amazon. You can get it right here: http://www.amazon.com/Consultation-Vampire-Succeed-Evil-ebook/dp/B006XY68Y4
It’s a novella-length prequel to the first book. Agnes is alive and Topper, well, he’s still Topper. The set up is this: Edwin is approached by a vampire for advice on how to deal with the constraints of the modern world. Y’know, he wants Edwin to help him use unique powers to their best end.
It’s a pretty fun satire of the vampire genre in general. Which, c’mon, you gotta be just a little sick of, right? As Agnes observes in this story, “You live for hundreds of years and the most fitting consort you can find; the creature that fascinates you; Who you cannot bear live without is a teen-aged girl?” There’s plenty of stuff to poke fun at in this genre.
In addition to having some well-deserved fun with what I think of as ‘modern’ vampires, I wrote this story to work with Topper as a more central character. In the first book he was fun, he was over the top, but he was also little one-dimensional. Not anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still absurdity and obscenity galore, but with this story you’ll get to know the manic little lawyer a little better.
I hope you’ll check it out. And I hope it will tide you over while I finish editing How to Succeed in Evil: Hostile Takeover.
How to Succeed in Evil is Patrick's latest book.
It's available at Amazon.com for just $2.99.
So I missed 50k in November, but it was worthwhile nonetheless. It’s really hard to write that many words while editing. I ran into some pretty serious problems along the way, but came up with some pretty good solutions. That’s great for the work, but not so great for the word count. I call it…
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So I’m NOT writing a novel this month. But, in the spirit of NaNo I’m cranking out 50,000+ words anyway. On what you may ask? Rewrites on the sequel to How to Succeed in Evil, Hostile Takeover will take up some of that. So will a HtSiE novella called “Consultation with a Vampire.” I’m happy…
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NaNoWriMo is such a good thing, I can’t resist. I wrote 1,800 yesterday, so I’m off to the races already. But there’s a twist. I’m not going to write a novel. Which makes it NaNONNoWriMo for me. I’m going to put up 50,000+ words in November. And I’m going to count editing the HtSiE novel…
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So here’s the question: How do you get some kind of handle on the often mercurial process of writing? Answers vary from writer to writer, but the question remains eternal. One good answer is NaNoWriMo. If you don’t already know, November is National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to write 50,000 words in 30…
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Trip over the word “ataraxis” in a sentence and you’ll probably fall on it. And if you do one of those sharp letters is gonna stab you right in the liver. As your life’s blood seeps out into the paragraph below you will have time to think, “What kind of person uses a word like…
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This fine word has become the great lie of modern times. It’s the idea that one thing is exactly the same as another. In it’s unstretched, virginal state, fungible is useful enough and there is no harm in it. It is a legal term that denotes a class of items each member of which is…
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Flange has great sound to it, especially when said with an British accent. For this reason, I had long thought that flange was a synonym of valve. But it is not. It is something far better and far more precise. A flange is a raised circle or collar used to make something easier to turn….
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In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, here is a repost of a Seanachai episode from way back in Aught Five. Sure, today might not a be a hot, bloated Thursday ripening in the foul sun of the dred Sargasso But, y’know, close enough. Do I really need an excuse to talk like…
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I love the word wingnut. Not as an epithet or insult, but for the word itself. The word wingnut makes me happy for no easily definable reason. Perhaps it is the silliness of the object itself, a nut with wings so it’s easier to tighten by hand. It’s an object that seems to say, “You…
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(a guest post of mine that originally appeared on the Creative Penn) As a writer raised by Economists, I have some perspective that other’s don’t have, and maybe don’t want. (There’s a reason it’s called the dismal science after all.) But when approaching the question of how to price an e-book, sound economic theory (not…
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It’s one of those classic tropes of SuperVilliany — the GIANT LASER IN SPACE. An idea so ridiculous that it could only exist within the frail pages of a comic book or a pulp novel. Or so I thought. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2032057/Laser-assisted-water-condensation-used-create-rainfall.html If you’ve read How to Succeed in Evil, you’ll know I spend a bit of…
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So, obviously, I’m very happy about the recent success of How to Succeed in Evil. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s… it’s… a learning experience? Very much so. I’ve practiced a couple arts in my time, and there is a commonality between all of them. Progress equates to learning. When I realized this I became very…
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There is a special kind of anger for which there is no word. And when you are this angry, writing a manifesto or stabbing someone or shooting someone simply isn’t enough to express how you truly feel. Luckily, for the truly, irreconcilably enraged, there is defenestration. In Latin it literally means, “from the window”. And…
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How is my little book doing? The short answer is AWESOME. Better than I ever expected. It’s been up for two months now. There was, of course, the initial bump upon release, then sales died down. Or so I thought. It’s steadily been picking up steam and is currently averaging 18 books a day. By…
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Once in my misspent youth, before the yoke of responsibility had worn it’s honorable shape into my shoulders, a Monday morning found me playing golf with an actor friend of mine. It was one of those rare few moments in life when you know you are getting away with something. The rest of the world…
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Foment comes from Late Middle English, through French, ultimately from the late latin verb fromentare which means to apply a poultice or hot lotion to a wound. In the modern sense it has become the act of stirring up a dissent. You bake a cake. You foment a rebellion. There’s a lot to be said…
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Just a little peek at a bit I’m really liking from the big soupy pile of words that is any (and especially my) first draft. Edwin making a video. As rule, Edwin avoided the spotlight, but as CEO and primary owner of Omdemnity Insurance, there were certain figurehead roles that he needed to fill. You…
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Okay, so it’s technically two words, but I’m going to quickly quote Emerson and move on as if there is nothing wrong with e.g. being a Word that Patrick Likes. Because there isn’t. Reverend Waldo, if you please — “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and…
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You want to know why amortize is a word I like? It literally means to kill off over time. The English Speaking children of the world have received this word from Old French, which is basically trashy latin (the kind of Latin you would speak if you were a poor undesirable, person — most of…
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So I’ve been caught up in several discussions online about ebooks vs physical books. That the publishing industry is an state of flux, everyone agrees on. Some say it’s the end of the world. Others say it’s the beginning of a whole new world. But there is a point to be made in here that…
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Kerfuffle sounds like a made up word. This is silly because when you get right down to it, all words are made up words. But, one has to admit, Kerfuffle sounds especially made up. It sounds like it was what the guy who invented the word Smurf was working on before Joey Barbera knocked on…
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Literally, sitting is killing you. If you are not familiar with this, I give you this infographic from Medical Billing And Coding (references at the bottom.) But what to do about it? The helpful infographic suggests that walking around the office as much as you can is a solution and I’m not saying that doesn’t…
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I’m not ashamed to say it. I love bowels. This is not a strange culinary artifact passed down to me by my Scottish ancestors. I mean to say I love the word bowels. The bowels of hell. The bowels of night. The bowels of Uncle Frank. The bowels of New Jersey. Combine the word bowels…
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Okay, it’s officially begun. Or since I’ve just crossed the 50,000 word mark on the sequel to How to Succeed in Evil, maybe it’s more appropriate to say, “It has already done been begotten.” (Ah, scratch that, that can’t ever be appropriate to say. Verb tense, anyone?) Anyway, the sequel is coming and it’s title…
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While my wife will tell you that I have no positive knowledge of such a thing as a hamper, I must beg to differ. I know hamper and have great affection for it. The world derives from hanepeir which is an Old French word which denotes a special case that contains a goblet. And let…
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I like mallet. It’s a good, honest sounding word. After all it’s a tool. A useful thing to have with you at almost any time. You really never say to yourself, geese, what’s this mallet doing here ? No. You say to yourself. “Hey, that’s a mallet. I should remember that. Could come in handy.”…
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Yup, it finally happened. I’m very excited that the whole book can be yours for mere pittance. 99 cents. Why, for less than the price of a cup of coffee you can have, all the antics of Topper. All the sinister brilliance of Edwin. All the prim and proper efficiency of Agnes (or, if you’ve…
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You know those “About the Author” blurbs that begin with poignant details from the writer’s childhood? The ones that quickly move through a series of credentials and accomplishments so impressive that they make you feel that if you don’t buy a book then everyone will recognize you for the uncultured Philistine that you are? Yeah,…
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Once upon a time, I was given an assignment to write a banking brochure. It this kind of information that nowadays is buried several levels deep in painfully corporate website, but this was before big, dumb companies realized that the internet was going to be a thing and slightly after the invention of fire and…
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It’s another excerpt from the upcoming How to Succeed in Evil e-book. I spend enough time editing this thing and I might convince myself I don’t completely suck. There are those who think that the business of the law is conducted in the open air of the courtroom. That every discussion and decision is held…
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From How To Succeed in Evil: He is praying, to whatever committee of dark gods bureaucrats pray to in their secret, inefficient hearts, that Gus will pull through.
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You certainly don’t have to turn a sentence like this to tell a good story. In fact, I think my urges to do things like this have made it harder for me to learn how to plot. The crafting of lines get in the way of the action. But still, I just giggled again. He…
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Finally knuckling down and preparing How to Succeed in Evil for it’s Kindle edition. Which is very interesting because I don’t remember the writing much at all. Sure, I remember the story and the characters and what happened, but the sentence to sentence minutiae of how I got from point A to point B… no…
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There are a couple of notable things about this video. First, it’s one take. Which is pretty amazing and a testament to Scott and Stan. The other thing that interesting is that we made it on the spot. As we were shooting a bunch of other spots I kept walking by this awesome hallway. Visually…
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For your enjoyment, another video from that series that I did for Patterson Pope. One of the best things about doing work for the web is that you don’t have an arbitrary :30 or :60 second time constraint. It allows this gag to develop. In 1960′s Mad Men commercial land you can’t do things like this.
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Most people who work in advertising type this with conviction — I have a great client. But I do. I really do. And of all things, they sell shelving and filing equipment. But trust me, these guys are an awesome client. As proof, here’s a web video from a series I just did for them.
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Life is on me like ringworm. These days I wake up and before I even manage to get out of bed, the busy is all over me. As disgusting as this analogy is, sadly, it is apt. Especially when you consider how hard ringworm is to get rid of. I know this because one morning…
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A week ago (hey, was it two?) I spent some quality time talking to John Mierau for his “Podcast Teardown” series. It’s a great idea. The Teardown is a mini-series of 10 questions on the nature of podcasting, put to 10 well-known podcast authors. The questions are the same. The answers might just surprise you….
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As you may or may not know, there have been some significant difficulties with the Podiobooks servers on which my audio files currently reside. While the feeds are back up, a complete server fix will not be in place until Friday. So rather than add to the wonkiness, I’m holding off on posting another chapter…
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Nothing ever means exactly what it means. It’s the fundamental reason that writing is difficult. For example, if I write the word orange, I might imagine the burnt orange of a brilliant sunset I once saw in the Joshua Tree National Forest. The orange that you imagine when you read that word can be very…
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I love XKCD. And the guy who does XKCD recently had some illness in the family, which makes anyone reevaluate things. I wish him and his all the best and am sorry for his troubles. But his recent comic touches a on a very important point. In the broad choice between science and religion you don’t go…
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So Sir Terry Pratchett is having a contest for unpublished novels, but you can’t enter if you live in the U.S. This sucks. Especially for me. Because How to Succeed in Evil is an unpublished satire/parody that uses the superhero genre in a similar way that Sir Terry uses the genre of fantasy. He doesn’t…
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I spent (wasted) an hour last night writing an email about a creative brief. For those not inflicted with the dubious and scattered discipline of corporate communications and advertising, that is a document that summarizes who you are talking to and what you are trying to say. A strategy for communications, if you will. But…
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Buy the complete audio book at CDBABY.com Or get an ebook at Smashwords or Amazon
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I’ve been getting a daily dose of productivity pr0n from Lifehacker for years. Taken altogether, the tidbits I’ve picked up there have saved me at least a month of time. Most recently, the the use of Simplenote for plain text capture and synchronization across machines and handheld devices. http://lifehacker.com/5584924/the-holy-grail-of-ubiquitous-plain+text-capture Now they’ve seen fit to use…
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Hidden at the core of every story that really moves me — every story has depth and character and sustains my interest — is the same quest. It’s the struggle for self-knowledge. And any story, no matter how well constructed or crafted that isn’t (in some way) about a character’s self-discovery, feels two-dimensional and cheap…
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A wonderful quote from E.M. Forster’s, “Aspects of the Novel” Books have to be read (worse luck, for it takes a long time); it is the only way of discovering what they contain. A few savage tribes eat them, but reading is the only method of assimilation revealed to the west. I swear, if eating…
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While watching this by myself I spontaneously broke into applause. Posted via email from PatrickEMcLean’s Posterous
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