The World’s Most Dangerous About the Author Blurb

You know those “About the Author” blurbs that begin with poignant details from the writer’s childhood? The ones that quickly move through a series of credentials and accomplishments so impressive that they make you feel that if you don’t buy a book then everyone will recognize you for the uncultured Philistine that you are? Yeah, this is not that kind of author blurb. This is the other kind.

This is an about the author blurb that actually tells you about the author. If you stick with this blurb it will tell you that Patrick has been shot, has fallen off a mountain, was once framed for a crime he did not commit. That he has gambled with his rent money and knows how to replace the water pump in a 1966 Chrysler. And, much like a feral boy raised by wolves, he was brought up by economists and can interpret the strange dances and guttural utterances of their dismal tribe.

But most of all this blurb wants you to know that Patrick can write. That he puts words and concepts and characters together in a way that will make your synapses light up like an accident in an unlicensed fireworks factory. Yes, a substance that powerful should be illegal. But now — before the BATF raids your house and seizes all copies of this, the World’s Most Dangerous “About the Author” blurb —  you’ve got a chance to get his writing and find out for yourself.

If you don’t use this chance, Patrick won’t hold it against you. After all, he’s a nice, easy-going kind of guy. But this Blurb will know. And believe me, this is one “About the Author” blurb you don’t want to cross.