Fifteen Kinds of Snow It Would Be Useful to Have Names for

There is a popular story that says that  Eskimos have many different words to describe many different kinds of snow. It is a total hoax. Which is a shame, because the idea has a certain magic to it.

Fifteen Kinds of Snow that It Would Be Useful to Have Names for:

1. The damp, back-killing snow that’s a bitch to shovel.
2. The snow that increases your chances of getting laid while falling on you while you are in the hot tub.
3. The snow that falls in response to children’s prayers for school cancellation.
4. The heavily compacted snow of mall parking lot snowbergs that lasts well into the spring.
5. The snow that culls the weaker pine branches from the forest.
6. The cunning, kamikaze snow that finds a way past your scarf to die sizzling on the bare skin of your neck.
7. The snow that falls in Minnesota and is blown into Wisconsin.
8. The tough Manhattan snow that gets pushed around, driven over, stepped on, brushed off — but never gives up its dreams of a minor role in a Broadway production of A Christmas Carol.
9. The snow that thinks it’s special and unique when it’s falling, but realizes, when it hits the drift, that it’s just like everybody else.
10. The Mighty Snow of the Rockies — enough to close the pass, strand the travelers and convince families to make a holiday tradition of cannibalism.
11. The snow that covers the climber who failed to reach the summit.
12. The sudden snow that makes a fool of the weatherman.
13. The snow that falls on the just and the unjust alike.
14. The snow that the dog tracks into the house.
15. Snow cone snow.